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It's because I feel seriously betrayed by that episode, is why.  Because I want to love it.  Because it's actually so darn good but there's this thing, here, where I'm a female fan of a sci-fi show and *inhales loudly and hissingly through her teeth* yeah, I know.

Partner and I are doing this thing where we're watching All of Star Trek in chronological order together, and when I say "chronological order" I mean that we watch S1 of TNG, DS9, and VOY and then when we have watched all of those we move onto S2s.  We've watched large numbers of these already, often together, but here we're making a concerted effort to just see everything.  And yeah, we have watched a lot of TOS together already, and he has less interest in rewatching all of it, so it's not a part of the thing.  (We are denying the existence of ENT, though we did watch the one with John Vickery.  JOHN VICKERY, I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE WHAT WE WENT THROUGH TO HAVE YOU ON OUR SCREENS, OK.)  And I feel lucky a hundred times over for having found Partner, ok, because he gets it.  He does.  And he never makes me feel, ever, like I shouldn't feel slighted or skeeved out or whatever when Star Trek does shitty sexist things.  He listens, he is supportive, and he understands and damn I am grateful for my Partner.

But Eru, I hate The Drumhead.  I hate it.  Because it's so good, and yet.  And I know it was written by a woman.  I don't care, I hate it.

I love the character of Admiral Satie.  I do.  She's complex, she's well-intentioned, she's intelligent, she was a highly respected Starfleet Admiral, she's coded as strong and driven and powerful in ways that aren't marked as feminine, but neither are they immediately pulled back from to be like BUT IT'S OK SHE'S STILL A WOMAN SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO LOSE HER FEMININITY DON'T WORRY, even though she clearly doesn't have to lose her femininity, she wears beautiful clothing and striking jewelry without being remotely male-gazey, she's allowed to be confident without it being marked as arrogant, she's a much older woman and she's on my screen anyway wooo, she and Picard get along well and respect each other until their different viewpoints drive them apart.  She's written as human, with a backstory, with a family and a history (though fucking goddamn, I hate that she's another tick for the list on Never a Self-Made Woman, I hate that we're told how her father loved it when she could out-logic her brothers with the implication that this was unexpected because she was only a girl), with her own thoughts and feelings and beliefs and I love her.

But that's the thing.  The moral of the episode is that she's ~dangerous~ precisely because of how insidious she is.  Of how likeable she is, of how easily she commands respect, of how intelligently she reasons.  Of how much trust everyone is willing to afford her.

And she's brought down by the fact that no one will trust her after she has an emotional outburst in the middle of the hearing.  Which, yes, good, no one should! She's committing acts of evil, no matter her intentions.  But she loses her temper hearing Picard quote her father to serve his own (she thinks, evil) ends, in rather direct juxtaposition to the way Worf who is male has been holding his own temper behind visibly-clenched teeth when Sabin who is male makes insinuations about Mogh.  Because women can't control their emotions, amirite?

And then everyone sees how women are just emotional and not actually reasonable no matter how logical they're capable of sounding, no matter how much we want to think we can trust them to be reasonable adults, and the male Admiral walks out of the room in disgust and that's it, Picard who is male has triumphed over her by quoting her father who is male, who says "The first time any man's freedom is trodden on, we're all damaged," emphasis mine.

"Am I bothering you, Captain?"
"No, please come in, Mr. Worf."
"It is over. Admiral Henry has called an end to any more hearings on this matter."
"That's good."
"Admiral Satie has left the Enterprise."
"We think we've come so far. Torture of heretics, burning of witches, it's all ancient history. And then, before you can blink an eye, suddenly it threatens to start all over again."
"I believed her. I-I HELPED her! I did not see what she was."
"Mr. Worf, villains who twirl their mustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged."
"I think, after yesterday, people will not be so ready to trust her."
"Maybe. But she or someone like her will always be with us, waiting for the right climate in which to flourish— spreading fear in the name of righteousness. Vigilance, Mr. Worf. That is the price we have to continually pay."

I love this message.  I love this message!  I adore this message!  I adore this episode!  If Admiral Satie were male, this would have been one of my favorite episodes of all of TNG, because if that were the case the fact that the only lines spoken by women would be a few incidental ones from Troi (that a Klingon spy seems "closed") and from Crusher (that her assistants are the ones who administer routine injections, that a Klingon spy wasn't chatty, and that people regularly socialise in Ten-Forward) wouldn't even ping my radar, because I am entirely entirely used to that.  The Drumhead doesn't do that!  The Drumhead has a badass older lady front and center!  Too bad the moral is about the dangers of trusting her and letting her have any power and it's all very why, this it is, when men are ruled by women and I hate this episode so much that I've stalled us in S4 for months because I didn't want to watch it again and be betrayed all over again because it's such a good episode, seriously, it really, really is.  It just.  Also kind of makes me want to go curl up and hide and never watch anything again.


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#I am eternally sad that a lot of my favorite characters would never ever in a million years be friends if they met

#like: Loki will never be friends with anybody

#Vimes will never be friends with kings

#Marcone will not be friends with anybody not loyal to either him or Chicago

#(or willing to help him help realize his plans for Chicago)

#(with a very clear well-laid-out bargain of exactly what they will want in return)

#(and that being something he is willing to pay)

#Thorin will not be friends with anyone not a dwarf of Erebor

#unless they prove beyond doubt that they have decided to throw in their lot with the dwarves of Erebor and share their danger

#and also not go against his decisions when he decides things in his capacity as King

#Temeraire might be friends with a great many people but Lawrence won't if they're against England in the war

#and Temeraire won't for Lawrence's sake

#Roy Mustang is perfectly willing to be friendly but he is also very done with fighting for someone else's goals

#and a lot of the others won't be friends with him if he won't fight for their goals

#Scar will not be friends with anyone but other Ishbalans and May Chang

#because he fights for his people

#and if you're not fighting for his people you may occasionally work together to achieve a mutual goal but that's it

#(May Chang wasn't on purpose but oh well they're friends now)

#Zuko is bad at people

#but he'd be willing to be friends!

#unless he's working on achieving a goal

#then sorry but hunting the avatar takes priority

#King Henry had friends once

#I think we all know what happened there

#Rumplestiltskin don't make me laugh

#Pellaeon is too busy running an Empire to have friends who aren't ~trusted subordinates~ first and foremost

#yeah Boromir is not going to be your friend if you're not actively helping Gondor

#(unless you are a hobbit and therefore fall into the category of 'noncombatant; to be protected')

#Javert has no friends Javert is the Law

#The Law doesn't have friends

#Garak will be your friend on his own terms

#they are not very reasonable terms though and if Julian is willing to meet them that's nice but no one else here is going to because gosh look at this enormous list of people with massive trust issues oh dear

#let's not even get into people like Edmund and Richard III and the Macbeths and Aaron and Tybalt and Claudius


#*everyone else on this list takes ten steps backwards and turns very pale*
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Where a crewmember is accused of committing a crime on some planet they're visiting, and the Prive Directive says that you have to respect the laws of other planets, so the crewmember is going to be locked up/executed/get smilies painted on their soul, and the rest of the crew freaks out and Janeway stalls while Tuvok conducts his own investigation and it is found that the crewmember was innocent. And then they're like

"Hey, thanks for clearing my name, Tuvok!"

and Tuvok's like

"No thanks are necessary. I am the Chief of Security, I was conducting in an investigation, as is my job. I was merely after the truth."

and they're like

"Wait, what? you mean, if I was found guilty, you would have let them prosecute me?"

like, all shocked an insulted, and Tuvok just gives them the Vulcan Stink-Eye and wanders off, and they're still all insulted, and I am reduced to sobbing into Paul's shoulder some more.


Also, Star Trek, I love you, but you are full of many and varied kinds of fail.

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Loki, Q, and Discord should meet.

Maybe others? Suggestions?

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What the hell, brain? It's not even the pairing that is weirding me out here, it's the fact that I just wrote 1000 words of Nu!Kirk/Spock Prime in a Star Wars fic.

*throws up hands* Anyone wanna let me know how that happened?

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Caitlin, if I don't get arrested, you will be offered the job.

(I have watched through episode 8 (Needs) of Dollhouse. I am enjoying this show, and so far have managed- I think- to avoid becoming overly emotionally invested in the characters. not that I don't love them, because I do, but I do know what genre this show is in. And, pardon me, but after Torchwood...


Anyway. I kind of adore Adelle DeWitt best of all, even more than Helo Paul Ballard Helo, perhaps even more than Topher; Boyd! And Mellie...! And I do like Echo. I like seeing her and the other dolls in different roles, it is such a cool showcase for their acting ability. But not as much as I like seeing them in the Dollhouse itself. Doll conversation is pretty much my favorite thing ever. Mostly though, I just love Victor, and Sierra, and Victor/Sierra. They're a little like a cracky version of Kirk/Spock, or Xena/Gabrielle, in that no matter their reality or what they know or don't know about themselves and each other, they find each other, without fail, they find each other and *connect.* I like that sort of story. Also, Victor is adorable.

...I should probably stop watching this show soon, yeah? Let me know when.)

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So... see. I like laughing. If you have spent five minutes in my company ever, this is a known thing. We were assigned to write an essay about "something we loved to do" in seventh grade, and everyone but me wrote about an actual hobby, and I wrote "LAUGHING IS THE MOST AWESOME FUN THING TO DO, EVER." I cited the guy from Mary Poppins (Uncle Albert?) who laughed so hard he floated up to the ceiling and stayed there and had a tea party. Because, awesome. Anyway, I don't like stifling laughter; when I start laughing I consciously try to extend it for as long as possible, because awesome, which is why I get annoyed when people tell me to "breathe!" (I am breathing just fine, however it might appear, because I am just that awesome; even if I am not, I consider it totally worth it (because awesome) and will still resent being told to stop.) I was watching what clips there are of Singin' in the Rain on youtube and Make 'Em Laugh is still, omg ohman, we watched that in choir in seventh grade and I did not breathe for the entirety of that musical number, holy mackerel, and Moses Supposes is right behind it, but its framing scene (OHMAN) with Cosmo- with Cosmo doing the faces, with Cosmo doing the faces and then still doing the face when the guy sees him ahahahahahahahahaha, I lol forever. Running up the wall and flipping over! Running up the backdrop and flipping over! RUNNING UP THE WALL AND FALLING THROUGH I will never breathe deeply again.

But anyway, there are of course times when laughter must be suppressed out of courtesy to others, and so I am sitting here at work reading the crackiest piece of hilarity to scroll before my eyes in a very long time and I am doing my little breathe-y thing to keep from laughing and basically I am ODing on oxygen which is only making the whole thing funnier which is only making everything worse.

(and then I wrote seven thousand words in what was meant to be a parenthetical statement.

...ahahah nevermind.)


Music again

May. 3rd, 2010 03:25 am
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So I am feeling better today.

Yesterday was Jess's wedding, and for some reason of which I am still unsure, I left it feeling very low. The ceremony itself was nice and of course everything was beautiful (and I caught the bouquet!), but as the evening went on, I dunno; I just found myself feeling very sad. And then of course I was a stupid shibi and compounded it by reading character death, which I usually know better than to do, esp. when it's written by rly rly good authoresses. But *shrugs* I'm a stupid shibi.

And, of course, I'd slept through my appointment with Douglas J, the two rehearsals for Carlos' chamber group, and missed my very last Symphony rehearsal (which still makes me kind of want to cry when I think about it), and I knew that today was Carlos' chamber group's dress rehearsal and performance, and was still cautiously intending to practice the music and show up and see if they'd take me even though I'd let them down like whoa, and even if that didn't happen Peter's recital was immediately afterwards in the same location and I'd have to risk seeing them if I went. So that was making me unhappy/stressing me out.

So I went back and re-read the birthday posts & picspams for William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy's birthdays, and honestly? Kind of just the fact that I live in the same world as the world in which they are kind of epic real-life t'hy'la made me feel better. Also spuffyduds expressed her sympathy (THANK YOU), which cheered me up too, and made me feel very cared about, because every time she comments I get kind of squeeful that she even reads my journal still.

And then today Eema woke me up at noon so that I could practice & stuff, and she came in to my flat and was in a really good mood, and I don't remember what was said because even though I was standing up and walking around and talking I was totally still asleep but it was nice, subconsciously, and then as soon as she left I fell back asleep. And I was having/had this awesome truly epic zombiepocalypse dream, which I have chosen not to reproduce here (you're welcome), but it was awesome, and I slept through the theoretical rehearsal and performance which, yes on the one hand makes me feel worse, but on the other at least I didn't have to face them, which is... always kind of the greater evil in my mind, irrational though it may be. I woke up around five-thirty, and had the half-asleep notion of going in disguise so that none of Carlos' chamber group would recognize me if they saw me, which consisted of... braiding my ponytail. Because masks just make you more conspicuous, I fortunately realized before it was too late. Anyway so I hurried between the parking ramp and the Music Auditorium trying as hard as I could to think inconspicuous thoughts, and I missed the first minute or so and sat in the back until the Scarlatti was done, and then moved down and listened to the rest. I talked to Abishek at intermission, and invited Abishek to my wedding- I had figured that he wouldn't be interested, but I guess I was wrong, which is nice, because I always kind of thought he didn't like me. Anyway, the concert was, needless to say, very very good. And I got to see Maria and Peter afterwards, and Maria was loudly cheerful as ever, and Peter was Peter Liu and I kind of adore him forever, because PETER LIU.

So, yeah, I'm alright now.

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Y'know, ever since the internet happened, back in, like, fifth or sixth grade, I've always hated the transient nature of anything on it. Because there was this beautiful Temeraire-esque story told from the perspective of the dragon Keska the Silver, who had just been assigned a new captain after the death of her beloved General Ashryn. The characters- Keska, Ashryn, and the new captain, whose name I've forgotten- were all so wonderfully fleshed out and had virtues and flaws and dude, for a piece of original fiction on someone's personal webpage on the internet that I found when I was, like, nine or ten, it was insanely awesome. Seriously, it was all very very Temeraire. I have my suspicions as to its author.

Anyway, it's obvs. long gone. Long gone. Wow, is it ever gone. I don't think I ever even knew the url, I always just followed a trail of links from Vivian Chang's webpage...

I wish I'd saved it. It was honestly very good.

I would save bits and pieces of discussion from the PPC boards, filk and fill-the-plothole and clever remarks and the entirety of The Great Sex Debate. I saved each and every AIM chat I ever had- there are over 200 with Paul alone (the one where he asks me out is number 14, IIRC). I save icons I like, drawings and pieces of art that I like, I missed downloading mistful's fanfic before she took it down, e-mailed her requesting it to no avail, and mourned for months before some charitable soul e-mailed it to me in response to my shameless begging in her journal. When Tanarian announced that she planned to take down her fic, I spent a panicked few hours saving all of it. I printed off S&A fanfiction, unfortunately missing out on a few of my favorites before they disappeared, and all of seperis' analyzation of ST:reboot with the accompanying discussion. I printed off The Dead Isle, before it gets edited, because I *like* it like this. I saved a poem or two from Ayano's site rainrain. I saved every scene with hints of Bart/Carry for fear that Sam didn't ship them and would later cut them out. I saved rallalon's In Human Hands. I saved Turning Point and Full Circle. I saved every production photograph of last summer's Macbeth. I saved various R&G fanfics. More recently, I save vids I like, though I was too late to catch many that I had loved dearly- the Defiant one set to King Nothing, Kirk/Spock set to Take Me or Leave Me, and the very first fanvid I ever saw and what remains one of the best I have ever seen, the Viktory set to Once Upon a December.

Man, every time I remember something having been awesome, and go to look for it again, only to find it gone- I hate that. I hate most when the *creator themselves* takes it down for whatever reason. I know I'm supposed to just respect their wishes in those situations, but I can't help but resent it. I can never be sincerly understanding when they're all like "oh, I hated that fic, I didn't want anyone reading it." Because, well- dammit, I didn't hate that fic and I would like it back plzkthx.

I ought to work as an archivist, or in a museum or something. I like to preserve things.

(where does today meet yesterday?)

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Yeah, like that's even *remotely* spelled right...

Opera today was fantastic, totally. I woke up around seven-oh-two (oops) from ST:TOS/Torchwood crossover dreams, threw on my concert blacks, and was out the door by 7:17 PM. Since I hadn't had time to eat, I stopped to get coffee at the Grand River/Hagadorn Beaners at 7:22, was back in my car by 7:26, made it to Fairchild/Auditorium by 7:30, and drank it mostly while climbing the steps to the stage entrance. Read further in A Madness of Angels (man, that book is so cool) until it was time to go into the pit. And then it went really well, and I totally paid attention the entire time and did not mess up hardly at all, and also for the first time all week my back and arms did not try to kill me, because we have *no rests* the *entire opera,* and it is not like we can saw away, one must keep control the whole time and it's exhausting and during the dress rehearsals and last night's performance I've been counting measures until I can take my violin down for a few brief moments, but tonight I was fiiiiiiine, I could have kept playing forever. It was awesome.


Then I came back to my flat and made delicious macaroni and cheese with rigatoni and am eating it in my soup-mug, also there is chapter three of Sam's I Were The Heavens-verse Jack/Ianto fic and, yay, it is made of glory.

I really like this opera, and will be sad tomorrow when it is over.

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Well, not, y'know, starvingdead, but. Hungry.

Opera performances begin tomorrow night, after which I will never have to see Jimenez in a black t-shirt again. It's like seeing... I dunno, your commanding officer out of uniform, or something. Apparently wearing black t-shirts to opera dress rehearsals is A Thing He Does, but. Argh. Jimenez wears solid-colored button-down dress shirts, long-sleeved in winter and occasionally short-sleeved if it is warm enough, and dark slacks, and dress shoes, and a leather belt that matches his shoes, and a watch with a dark face, and a wedding ring with a free-spinning gold band in a silver setting. For concerts, he wears tuxes with bowties and small, subtle cufflinks. The dress shirts are always of a very lovely color, and always tucked in. This is what he wears, without fail, and when he walks into opera rehearsal and takes off the dress shirt and conducts in the black t-shirt that he wears underneath it, it does terrible things to my sense of normality, my security in the knowledge that one day will follow the next. It's terribly disturbing.

Another mildly disturbing thing is that today in rehearsal I was trying to get myself to remember to ask him after rehearsal about a possible misprint in measure 156 in Night on Bald Mountain, and so that I would not forget, working on the principle that a lesson learned in pain is not forgotten, I carved 156 into my skin just below the base of my thumb on my left hand with my fingernails. I did remember to ask him, and I was right, too (go me!), but I guess I must have carved a little too deep, because 1-5-6 is still visibly spelled out in red on my hand and it's creeping me out a little.

I am looking for the quote from some party or other, from me, about Shishio, that went something like "AND HIS CELLS CAN'T PERFORM MITOSIS AND HIS DNA CAN'T REPLICATE AND yes?" but I do not remember it word-for-word and wanted to look it up and couldn't find it. So a.) if someone could find that for me, I'd be much obliged to ye, and b.) if we haven't already, we should find a way to gather all of our quotes in one place. Quotes, egg chats, etc. It would be useful. Somehow.

My parents are back from Mexico. I have bought groceries. Disc one of Season 3 of TOS has a scratch on it that interferes with playback of the epsisodes The Paradise Syndrome and The Enterprise Incident, which is severely unfortunate, because they are two episodes that I like a lot. Yes, I know that The Paradise Syndrome is racist as heck, but Miramahnee breaks my heart in a way that no TOS Dame of the Hour has before or since. I shipped her and Kirok hard. It was the first episode of TOS that I saw in which I did not hate Kirk, way back when, and thus has a special place in my heart, and it is all due to the fact that Kirk honestly, truly loved Miramahnee and committed to her and married her and settled down with her and started a family with her and got to know her and fell more deeply in love with her over time and protected her with his life and fought against being told that he was anyone other than her husband, and even when he was restored to himself he loved her and was truly heartbroken when she and their child died, and the episode ended like that, on them together in her last moments, and on his grief, not with the typical flirty-Kirk/Spock-banter-on-the-bridge-warping-into-the-unknown that ends almost every other episode. Miramahnee was his wife. Edith Keeler didn't even come close, you guys.

Also Spock driving himself to exhaustion worrying over Kirk for three months. Awww.

Also The Enterprise Incident, because I like the Romulan Commander, and I genuinely spent the first half of the episode going WHAT WHAT WHAT because I'm bad at predicting shows, you guys, surprise twists *always* surprise me, and also this happens:
MCCOY: McCoy to bridge.
KIRK: Kirk here.
MCCOY: Get yourself down to sickbay, Jim, you're scheduled for surgery.
KIRK: What for?
MCCOY: What for? You've still got pointed ears, Jim, to get them back to normal!
KIRK: Um. I was kinda thinking maybe I could keep them-
KIRK: But I thought you'd like-
KIRK: You mean you really don't like the-
MCCOY: Ah, forget him, Jim, who would want to look like a Vulcan anyway?
KIRK: Fine. *shoots Spock a wounded look as he walks away, mournfully fingering one pointed eartip*
CHEKOV, SULU, AND UHURA: *valiantly attempt to stifle their laughter*
CHEKOV, SULU, AND UHURA: *fail to do so*

Anyway. Finishing up work, going home to get food.

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The Doctor shows up and offers you one trip in the TARDIS. Where and when do you request to go?

If you had asked me that an hour ago, I would have said "to the filming of the episode The Trouble With Tribbles, to help chuck tribbles at William Shatner and attempt to stifle giggles as he is not even allowed to give us dirty looks in return."

I have changed my mind. Oh, how it is changed. I want to be a fly on the wall when they first handed the actors the scripts for Spock's Brain, and their first read-through. I mean, there must have been some truly epic takes in there where nobody could keep a straight face. Honestly, I am *so impressed* with everyone involved that they managed at any point to say things like "SHE TOOK HIS BRAIN!" as if they are actually taking seriously the words coming out of their mouths. William Shatner gets three billion points for his reaction when McCoy is like "HIS BRAIN IS GONE." Because his face goes from the immediate reaction of "oh no, Spock's hurt!" to "wait. Wait, hold the phone, what the ever-loving fuck, Bones?" in about .5 seconds flat. And then right on back to "oh no, Spock's hurt!" with some truly impressive turnaround time, because let me tell you, I'd have been standing there still going "WHAT, WHAT, SERIOUSLY WHAT, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME" for another hour, at the very least. Probably closer to a week, really.

Chris and John spent some unfortunate amount of time quoting this episode at me in middle school. Before I had seen Star Trek, from my osmosically gathered knowledge, I placed these lines somewhere at the end of Wrath of Khan- I figured, y'know, Khan came along and did his thing and stole the poor Vulcan's brain, and Search for Spock is about finding it and bringing it back. I then saw The Movie With Whales In, which seemed to confirm all of this- naturally, after having had one's brain removed and then restored, some things are going to get lost in the process, and that's why Kirk gets this awful, inexplicable heartbroken look on his face, like a recent widower obliviously asked about his wife, when Gillian goes "so who's this dorky fellow who follows you around and calls you Admiral?" Y'know, I figured, this whole "Sir, you have a problem with your brain being missing" thing was some pretty heavy stuff, with three movies' worth of drama wrapped up into it. But, uh, no, apparently not. I am fairly sure that Chris and John, when they quoted this episode so incessantly at me, were doing so entirely unironically. I... some part of me has died, assimilating that knowledge.

Wow. That episode. Many love it, many hate it, but *everyone* cites the reason for their reaction as "because it's horrible."

It is horrible beyond everything. It is totally my new favorite, you guys.

The screen is doing this incredibly annoying thing where it won't let me see what I'm typing, so I'm going to go now, scrounge up some food, coffee, maybe a new E string to replace the one Nyssa lent me when mine snapped at the most inconvenient time (as they do), change into fresh clothes, and then I must go to work.



Mar. 6th, 2010 06:26 am
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So I wrote this hugely long entry and was happily sorting out my thoughts on Marlena Moreau when I tried to look up another synonym for "apparent" in the thesaurus and the tab in which I was writing shut down without warning or provocation. I tried to recover my entry, but to no avail. I will attempt to reproduce what I remember, but seriously, it was hugely long- I'd been writing for over two hours- and I will fail to do so. It's immensely frustrating and I would dearly like to scream and hit things.

In lieu of doing that... here's what I remember.

Discworld fic. Best. pairing. ever.

At the office, and I'm actually not too far from being done. Debating whether or not it's worth mopping the floor and suchlike. I don't like to do it, and I have a hard time seeing the point of it, because it's going to get just as dirty tomorrow, because tomorrow will be hugely busy, and also because I cannot really conceive of judging a business on the fact that the ceramic-tile floor of their bus terminal/office has footprints in late Michigan winter. I wouldn't *notice* either the absence or presence of said footprints. I am aware that this makes me a poor sharer-of-space for those who prefer a higher standard of cleanliness, and in the past I have occasionally made the effort to clean regularly at the request of various roommates, but it's not something I will ever do for its own sake.

I'm hoping to go running tonight. Hopefully my foot will be fine, and if it's not, hopefully I will go swimming.

Opera rehearsal today was really cool, because Romeo and Juliette were both there, played by Saturday Sam and Cunegonde, who are both fantastic. I didn't see either of them come in- we were playing and Jimenez was singing away when suddenly we heard from behind the timpani someone quietly but expertly singing along, and then he took over. Opera singers are a little overwhelming when everyone's packed into Hart, because the acoustics in Hart are kind of ridiculous, but it was very cool and I really like Cunegonde's voice. I am looking forward to this opera. (Man, I am going to miss opera. Eru Illuvatar above.)

Spring break is starting, which means that here in the office we are having WEEKEND FROM HELL. Well, it's nowhere near as bad as the holidays, so I suppose it's only WEEKEND FROM PURGATORY, occasionally shading into WEEKEND FROM THE FIRST CIRCLE. My hands are now covered in papercuts from all the filing. (OMG, there was so much filing, but I am very good at it.) The papercuts make it look like I have gills on my fingers, which would actually be really cool. I have always wanted gills. Gills/wings/time-pausing/teleportation are pretty much my oldest and most persistent fantasies, especially the time-pausing, mainly for sleeping, but also for travel-time, because I don't like to walk fast ever. But mostly for sleeping.

Have booked a photographer. Progress! *is pathetic* Gary Shrewsbury is his name, in case any of you want to check him out and make sure I have not hired a serial killer.

Eyal/Paul/Caitlin, what are y'all's plans for spring break? Specifically, how and when are you coming back home here? The reason I ask is that I want to know if it'd be more convenient for me to fly/take a bus down there and catch a ride back with one of you instead of driving myself both ways. Which I don't mind doing, it's just, it'd be inefficient if one of you is driving back Friday afternoon and wouldn't mind the company. I'm supposed to be at work by 5 PM on Friday. I'll try to find out how flexible I can be with that, though.

Been watching more TOS. Have now seen everything through Journey to Babel. More on that later.

I'm actually getting pretty hungry. I had coffee after orchestra, and also the new ritalin-stuff has a side effect of suppressing my appetite for a few hours, but it's catching up to me. It's not like I'm DYING OF STARVING like I sometimes am, just. Hungry.

Okay, Plan: finish up work, go home, eat, watch A Private Little War*, come back, run, go home, shower, sleep, come back to work at 2:30 PM.

My hands are cold. Probably this is another side effect of the ritalin-like-substance, because it was always an effect of the ritalin, not that my circulation was ever exactly stellar in that respect.

*If A Private Little War is the episode I think it is, then I'm really not looking forward to that one. I mean, I'll watch it, just because I want to get through everything, but am I right? IIRC (which is uncertain), this is the one with the black-haired chick in the hot pink bikini trimmed with black fur, healing wounded!Kirk by a procedure involving much laying-on-of-hands and thrashing about suggestively while he's in bed a pile of furs, and then it turned out to be about Russians in Afghanistan. Again, if I recall correctly, which is again, not at all certain, it had one of the more morally gray endings of the series, which is... good, from a meta perspective, I suppose, but. The strongest impression I have of my memory of it is that I hated the Kirk/Dame of the Hour element even more than usual, and that I really disliked her personally, as well.

Saw Bread and Circuses again, and wow, it was nothing like I remembered, at all, which was kind of interesting. Well, the two WTF moments were unfortunately *exactly* as I remembered, them being a.) Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planetary Development (!!!!!) and b.) 20th century!Roman radio DJ being unable to find a way to ridicule Christianity. Which, a.) WHAT, WHAT, WHAT THE HECK WHAT, WHAT. and also b.) seriously? Are you kidding me? Not that Christianity is inherently more make-fun-of-able than any other belief, but honestly, if you cannot find anything to ridicule about Christianity, than you must not be trying very hard. And also c.) Kirk/Slave Girl, which, *flail* Oh Star Trek, your gender politics may have been progressive for your time, but oh, they are so very very sketchy. Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, even when I hated your guts for your interactions with women, I grudgingly awarded you points for being very careful about consent: namely, for refusing to get involved with women under your command, even if they were ostensibly into it. Even Mirror!Kirk/Marlena didn't set off my chain-of-command squick. I was actually kind of proud of them for that, because their relationship was obviously one with good communication, in which the rank discrepancy was openly discussed, where both parties were very upfront about what they wanted out of it. It was a relationship that was falling apart, yes, but Marlena, at least, was confident that, unscrupulous mass-murderer though she was well aware that Mirror!Kirk was, she could choose to leave him at any time without fearing the consequences, and when she thought he had lost interest completely and made clear that she would prefer to end the affair herself rather than wait for him to do so, she apparently didn't even consider threatening to use her knowledge of his secrets against him. So... them. I actually expected to hate Marlena, and I didn't, yay. And then Bread and Circuses had to come along and ruin everything, because Kirk/Roman Slave Girl happened, and I cannot, I cannot find a way for that to not be dub!con at best, seriously, Kirk, what the heck were you thinking, what. I have decided that they did not actually sleep together, lamp-fade-to-black notwithstanding, because does Kirk strike you as the kind of man to get fully dressed and sleep on top of the covers after sex? ...Yes, I am aware that the censors at the time would have dropped to the floor and frothed at the mouth if they had tried to show that blatant a morning-after, but I am choosing to believe that it was a deliberate choice meant to show that Kirk would not have slept with a girl who had just informed him that she was his slave for the night. augh 60s.

Anyway, I know I wrote lots more, so this has kind of been an exercise in frustration, but. Whatever. I am going home to eat and come back to work, because... yeah.

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So with perfect, perfect timing, Wizard Blue arrived today, and so I dressed up as steampunky as I possibly could, donned my new magical mask, and strode around East Lansing in the best of Purim stylings. I also had two cups of coffee in an attempt to make up for having woken up yesterday evening around 7:00 PM and not having slept since, despite my best intentions, because I woke up and then I had to eat but I had no food but I couldn't leave the house to shop until I showered but I couldn't shower until I had eaten and so I watched Star Trek TOS until I went to spend about half an hour digging Sophie out of snow and practicing my English-accented dialogue as Captain Corcoran, dashing airship pilot! And my little blue zeppelin, the HMS Sophie, and don't listen to anything you hear about piracy. There were certainly letters of marque, anyway. No one can say I wasn't authorized. Except for those who do, of course, but they're lying through their teeth. (DEADLY ZEPPELIN AIR PIRATES! Shhhh.)

Went with Caitlin's Eema to buy my corset. I have given up hoping that prolonged exposure will make her less terrifying. I'm sorry, Caitlin's Eema! You are so very nice! You just intimidate the heck out of me and there's nothing I can do about that. On the other hand... glittery seed beads!

I am a little bit in love with that stubborn leaf on the top of that bare tree in West Circle just outside the window of the orchestra room, that leaf that is still, still there, and I am sure that by now, nothing will bring it down.

Symphony Concert tomorrow. I... yeah, that should be interesting. Also I slept through Philharmonic yesterday. But my foot/ankle is doing better, so perhaps I can go to Meijers tonight and buy some groceries, because I need them, because my cupboards are bare bare bare. I am even out of angel hair. Okay, so I do have rice, but the day I run out of rice is the day, uh, that I have no rice, I dunno.

I find myself craving meat. I think I need more protien in my diet. Perhaps I need to learn to cook something besides pasta, eh?

Mmmmphpmhpmhpmphmm tired tired tired. Have been up for... what, 26 hours now? Which is not that big a deal, and to be fair I am certainly not anywhere close to the brink of collapse like I would be if I hadn't slept for about 22 hours straight immediately before that, but still, I can't exactly concentrate on work right now, and I didn't take a kadur and there's enough work that starting is intimidating enough for me to just distract myself instead of trying to make a dent in it.

Alex is listening to a speech by Malcolm X for the second time and I am all "what, can't you recite it along with him by now? because I can" because I'm a snippety cat sometimes.

I really really like Wizard Blue. To me it seems really complex, I like that; also to me it seems oddly androgynous, and every time I look at it and think I know whether it's male or female I look again and realize that I was wrong, and I like that, I like having a mask of that, because... yeah. And I like how it is evil and gentle and joyful and furious all at the same time, and how with the medallion on one side and the swirls on the other, it's like a tear from one eye and laugh lines around the other, how the swirls represent delicacy and the medallion power, and it's a mask of duality and I like that.

...or not, y'know, it's just kind of a cool-lookin' blue mask, man, but I still like it. And I have garnered several compliments, and probably freaked some people out, but it is Purim, so.

Anyway. I should get back to work now, so... yeah.



Feb. 23rd, 2010 02:19 am
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So I continue to adore stories about hopeless wanting eventually fulfilled, and also, Tchaikovsky. Symphony is beautiful and I love it beyond measure, and cannot regret more strongly the missed opportunity of every time I sleep through it. Gregorian told Eema in his e-mail that he knew I loved orchestra, which- I don't think I knew how deeply that fear had run until he said that, the fear that he could somehow not know, and would believe that my absence was somehow wilful on my part, that he hadn't been able to tell that I wanted to be there with every fibre of my being-

Doctor LaDuca, you have a lot to answer for.

But Symphony is fun! And Gregorian was in a good mood today, and I played well, personally, and also I was on time, even though I had Eema convinced that I was totally awake and dressed and everything when I was still wholly asleep, and dreaming that I was TOS!Uhura and forging diplomatic relations with lemurs and yeah. I... actually don't remember anything before being on Burcham and drinking tea. There was stuff in between there, I am sure, because I was wearing clothes and contacts and all.

Have ordered pizza, and eaten three-quarters of it, which is a little unusual, but then again, I haven't had a good meal in a while. Not since Saturday night, at least.

Every time the light on the plane wing flashed it looked like a field of stars, or at least like someone's imagination of a field of stars, or of a nebula full of them, because there were far too many to be realistic. I'm still not sure what caused it; possibly the snowflakes suspended within the clouds, but anyway, it was gorgeous and surreal. Hurrah for red-eye flights, which suit me perfectly. I did manage to eat some leftover noodles (though they weren't exactly tasty, over four days later) before I went to bed, which meant that I was able to fully enjoy orchestra without dying of hunger the whole time.

We did not see much of Colorado, but I caught up on some much-needed sleep, and finally met Maya, who is OMG adorable and also, a cat, by which I mean pretty much the polar opposite of Worf in every way imaginable. Took Mical to see Avatar, which she liked, or at least found worth seeing (Mical has this thing where she actually has standards for the things she watches). On Friday night I got to fly by myself, which I rather enjoy, and when I got in to Denver Eema and Aba took me out to T.G.I.Friday's and I ate delicious delicious food, which was two chicken breasts and a bowl of angel hair and deep-fried green beans and peanut butter pie for dessert, and it was pretty much what I had been craving for, like, days, and I was hungry and it was perfect and YAY FOOD, ILU.

(I have eaten three-quarters of a pizza! And it was not too much, I feel pleasantly satisfied and comfortably full. Pizza-delivery person brought me pizza and it smelled delicious and I was all OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.)

I have my Hamlet back. (HAMLET!) And also I have re-watched The Movie With Whales In, and re-read The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, yay. They are not similar, at all, and I kind of want to go re-read Coraline and write out the rat poetry back-to-back, because who apparently decided that whenever rats chant songs, they must be epically awesome? OMG if PTerry and Neil Gaiman were not such good friends, I think I would have to go on some sort of epic quest to get them to be, because. Yes.

As to Movie With Whales In... ahahahahahahaha. I think I need to write more about that later, because I have many things to say (good things, heaven help me) and I will be long and rambly, and also I think I ought to throw in some K/S recs, and you all can be boggled at the level of sheer shmoopy melodrama that I will happily allow in my fiction. Ahaha, I am pathetic. But you all love me anyway. Even if I will never get people to think I am cool.

Also saw Journey to Babel, for the first time, and of course I fully understand the objections I have heard about it, but I cheerfully ignore them all, because OMG SAREK AND AMANDA ARE SO IN LOVE IT'S RIDICULOUS. And then Spock and Sarek were talking! At the end!

I kind of want to string together clips of the moments that I refer to in my head as "I hate you so much right now," such as when Kirk and Spock and McCoy are all standing around and Spock's like "well, we could try time travel" and McCoy gets this look and waits patiently for Kirk to shoot that down right this minute for the insanity that it is and Kirk's just like "Oh yeah, that could work" and McCoy gets this LOOK and Spock's like "I will begin my computations" and McCoy's look gets about a billion times worse and Kirk's like "You do that!" and McCoy looks like his head is about to *explode* and I'm just sitting there laughing my own head off and going omg McCoy hates you guys SO MUCH right now! Or nearer the end when Spock is all *dire!Vulcan* "I will have to make a guess" and Kirk's just like "RIGHT ON!" and ohhh if looks could kill Kirk would be dead, D-E-D dead skewered and dead on the floor, right there, poor Spock.

Also, also ahahahahahahaha San Francisco, you guys. San Fran-freakin'-cisco. Where Sulu was born! Aww Sulu, flirting with the pilot and then stealing his plane and okay seriously I could still have recited entire long gobbets of that movie, my memory being what it is, but I- aw man, seriously, I'm in love and I'm not sure how that happened, really, at all, it is a little weird, you guys.

Dear Seventh-Grade Leora: I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I think I've betrayed everything you ever stood for. You were all I WILL NEVER WATCH STAR TREK OR THE PRINCESS BRIDE OR MONTY PYTHON ALSO I WILL NEVER FALL IN LOVE AND NEVER BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE AND yeeeeaaahhhhh. At least I still laugh like you do?

When I have digested some more I will go run. You know. Theoretically. Hopefully.

Journey to Babel has Andorians (and a fake Andorian) and I'm sitting there watching Thelev make everyone run in circles going yeah, he's evil as anything, but isn't he hot? and I'm sorry this is getting out of hand. I used to be relatively indifferent to the lighter shades of blue. Apparently not anymore. Good grief.

At least I don't have the slightest hint of a thing for green? I mean, does that redeem me somewhat, that I can look at Gaila and the other Orion girls and go "well they're nice I guess and they're showing a lot of skin and stuff and I really like Gaila's character and attitude but it's not like they're blue or anything" and nevermind I guess I'm just demented.

I suppose I should work? I don't really want to.


Okay. Time to slack off until I feel like running. Then I will go home.


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I love the piano duet scene so effing much. You know what I'd like? Victor/Victoria/Emily ot3. I think that would actually be pretty cool.

I'm feeling both lazy and restless tonight. I don't have a car here, so I'll need to call a taxi to get home, which I don't particularly feel like doing right now. I should practice, or run, or swim, or sleep, or something. My heart and lungs are still sore from last night. I can feel my trachea twinge, on occasion, and you can't tell me that this is normal. I should not be able to feel my innards. Stomach, sure, I will give you the digestive system. But not the rest. Innards are innards and they should stay there.

I bought myself a silver heart pendant for Valentine's Day, because that's how I roll, and it arrived in the mail today. I am debating finding it a chain of its own, because it's rather large and the box-chain I tend to use interchangeably (but mostly with the butterfly) might be too delicate-looking by comparison.

Murrrrg. I was supposed to clean my flat tonight, and I really don't feel like doing that. I was also supposed to make progress on wedding things. And stuff. I dunno.

Maybe I'll just go home and go to sleep. I could use the sleep.

Or a shower. I could use one of those too. I don't like taking showers, that's the thing; they are infernally boring.

*yawns* My jaw is still sore from laughing at thefourthvine's recap of The Naked Time. Ho-ly.

I think I may be lonely.

I'm actually still dealing really badly with being second chair for the R-K, which is disappointing, because one would think that I could be more professional about this, but apparently not.

Yeah, I think I'm lonely. 'S got nothing to do with the R-K and my inability to get over it, just is. Also with the fact that 2010 has not been a very good year so far, or at least February has not. It's four in the morning, though, so I can't call anybody.

Maybe I'll walk home. I think that might be pleasant.

The bra I bought when Caitlin's Eema and I went looking for wedding corsetry is not nearly as comfortable or good as I thought. This is actually a fairly regular occurence. Leora tries on bra, Leora says "hey, this is great" and buys it, Leora wears it for maybe three days then goes "man, this is uncomfortable. and also makes me look like I have three breasts. I must be careful or I will be burned for a medieval witch." I need to find some time during the day to go buy proper sports bras, as well, but of course I'm never awake during the day. Also bras are crazy expensive, which is unfair. You know what would be less expensive? Cutting them off like an Amazon. Ha. That'll teach- uh... the bra industry.

My dream last night was animated. It kind of just struck me right now how weird that is, that last night I dreamt in 2D animation. It was very very pretty and artistic, just... that's weird. That's really weird. It was a really really good dream though, and I didn't want to wake up.

Yesterday I remembered Iron Pyme. She's not actually real, is she? I'm pretty sure she's from a dream too. I think I spelled it Iron Pym at the time, but that looks too much like it would be pronounced Iron Pim, and it rhymes with- uh- rhyme. So: Iron Pyme. Yes? Yes. I don't know why I remembered her yesterday, but her name was in my head for some odd reason.

Anyone who reads this (which is like 2, but whatever) please answer the following question as honestly as possible.


It can be anything from 'why is the sky blue' to 'why do we exist' to 'why don't I have a date for prom' Please?

Adrian: Why?
Hex: Because.
Adrian: Why anything?
Hex: Because everything. XXXX Out of cheese error. Redo from start.

Ipslore the Red: What's it all about, really? What is there that makes life worth living?

And, well... 'cause we haven't found a better alternative yet, for one, and 'cause if we left we might go somewhere where there's no frisbee, and that would suck. My sister once explained to me why the sky is blue; something to do with the layering effect that the atmosphere has on visible light, you don't have a date for prom because the eligible guys seem to be either taken, gay, or stupid, and we exist because... well, I guess because it's fun.

Marta once told me that being a Sagittarius meant that I was insightful and philosophical, and she's wrong, but as far as life goes... because there are little things that make it all worthwhile, like frisbee or the morning when your whole family sits down to breakfast or when you and your parents sing and dance wildly on a subway car or when all your friends are sitting together in a cozy room and it's four o'clock in the morning and everything's funny because you're all so tired, or when you climb up a tree and scrape your wrist but keep going and you reach the top and look out and the sun and the wind are on your face, or the time you went to the playground with a friend even though it was raining and the slides were slippery and the puddles were deep and you run and splash and laugh, or when you're doing homework and you spontanously turn the page and draw a picture and it's one of the best you've ever drawn and you know that you're going to have to stay up late to finish your homework now but the satisfaction makes it worth it, or when you watch one of your best friends dance and in the darkened auditorium she seems to glow with her own light and for a moment you simply cannot believe that she is actually an earthly creature, so ethereal and compelling and passionate and divine are her movements. And so we live from moment to moment and we survive the bad times because there's just no way we can give up the good.

That's why. Hope it's honest enough for you.

Well I can't top that. but I would like to add to Leora's "why"s. Becase thoes little purple violets come up in the spring becase they are the nicest smelling flowers in the whole world. because in the summer when it has been really hot all day and it is finally night time and you open your window all the way and the air is so nice and cool and your sheets smell so nice becasue your mother has dried them on the cloths line outside. Because there are always librarys and books stores with lots of books that I have never read. This is fun. Becase there are so many hats out there I have not worn yet! Because peaches will be in season in a few months. Because I still have to get my splits all the way down. Because there is chocolate, well there is often chocolate, right this minet there is no chocolate but there is jello, not quite the same but oh well. Because I have silly friends who will continue to do silly things but that is why I love them. Because we have almost made it through junior year and you will Not be in India all summer. Yay!!! Well not as deep as Leora's and not nearly as many SAT words but at least I am happy now.

Because we're waiting for the bloody fanfics to finish.

I suppose you could switch that with: book series, movie trilogy, or whatever-else-you're-waiting for, but currently for me it's the fanfics.

...Or it's because I want to finish my one bloody fanfics or book series.

... ... Or it's because I have yet to be embarrassed out of my mind by hearing, "semeru" at Naginata practice yet.

My God/Satan/Someone. I have turned into such a pervert....

I have forgotten to mention in my journals that my gym shorts, provided by the school, scream "Rora". It is not a subtle mentioning of "eyeliner," this is bloody well screaming "EYELINER!!!!!!!!!!!!" (My gym uniform is neon green and blue. While most people have their names on their shirts and shorts, it is usually in blue thread (against the blue background). Mine, however, is in neon green on blue background.

Hence, it is screaming "RORA!"

Shut up. It's... well, "It's".

It's from May 2004, meaning I was, what, sixteen? I'm twenty-two, that's still freaking me out, I don't feel twenty-two.

I will miss my city.

(sheesh, disjointed entry much?)

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My jaw is trembling uncontrollably now. My cheeks are still streaked with tears. I had to put my head down on my arms and sob for a good half-hour.

Y'all know me. I'm the girl that the entire army base gathered to watch as she collapsed to the ground in helpless laughter at Linguist!Jake's rendition of A Boy Named Sue. Seriously, they crowned me Queen for that. Lynn gave her oral presentation on the health benefits of laughter, and she made me stand in the middle of the circle and laugh at everybody. Which I did, and again ended up collapsing to the ground (look, she made me make motorcycle noises, okay? it was funny). It is because you are inside a tuba made me laugh so much that, minutes later, small children started laughing at me (it's still funny!). I have not a single friend, and very few acquaintances, who have not, at some point in my presence, harbored serious worries as to my level of oxygen deprivation due to incessant laughter.

So when I tell you all that I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH AT ANYTHING, IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, you know it's funny.

You might want to read her other recaps first; it'll make more sense that way, and also, they are awesome beyond words and I laughed my head off. Here are the links, in chronological order.
Amok Time, or, The Gay Sex One
The Trouble With Tribbles, or, The Robot Kirk One
City on the Edge of Forever, or, The One Where Everyone is Creepy
Mirror, Mirror, which unfortunately didn't come with an alternate title

The one at the top? Yeah. That's The Naked Time. Come on, what else could it be?

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So as soon as I decide that McCoy/T'Pring is going to be my new otp, what do I do? Write 1500 words of T'Pring/Stonn. Because that's how I roll. (Also, they're adorable. He's willing to battle to the death for her! She's willing to marry Kirk or Spock rather than watch him die! At the end of the episode, they go off to get logically married and be together forever!)

Srsly think about it, okay, because Spock's half-human. He's half-human and so he's got an *excuse* to throw everything out the window the second Kirk's in danger, to SMILE (WITH TEETH!) when he finds out that Kirk is all right, to needle McCoy incessantly and make smirky-eyebrows whenever he scores a point, to make this face when he accompanies Uhura. He can blame it on his human side. Even his father, whenever he acts all in love with Amanda, is ostensibly only doing it because human women like it when their husbands make a show of having emotions. (Awwwwwww Sarek/Amanda otp.)

But T'Pring/Stonn? No humans involved. They got nothing, man, they're Vulcans in love and willing to kill and die for each other and, well, I guess it's logical to fall in love with someone other than your childhood betrothed. And/or tell your childhood betrothed to his face that he can go gallivanting off through the galaxy with his t'hy'la all the heck he wants, you're just gonna stay here and sleep with your boyfriend Stonn. And he'll just shrug and go "sure, I guess that sounds plenty logical."

And then they get logically married.

T'Pring/Stonn snippet )

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I think McCoy/T'Pring is my new otp. I- I don't even know. I mean, Uhura you are delightful and hardcore and badass (srsly I know your TOS you is from the sixties and oh dear oh dear oh dear, but even then you shine, you are still hardcore and badass and delightful, and every ancient TOS slashfic I read back before I'd seen anything but The Movie With Whales In described you as beautiful and graceful and having a laugh like silver bells, and how much do I love the fact that you sing? Twice? Awesomely, teasingly, and touchingly? (and how grateful am I for the fact that they didn't let anyone else sing because oh god Shatner and Nimoy oh dear oh dear ohhh dear)) and in my headcanon you and Spock were not actually serious to begin with, and neither of you expected it to be a long-term thing or for it to even continue after you graduated, it was just kind of a "well, here we are, both on Earth for the time being, my we have a lot in common don't we, let us spend some time together and maybe there can be wild Vulcan sexings!" and then as soon as they were both posted to the Enterprise for the five-year mission they sat down and had a talk and were like "okay, well we both knew we weren't in this for the long haul, and let us still be friends aboard this ship but it's probably not a good idea to go further than that anymore, I mean grad student TA/undergraduate student in his class was kind of sketchy but First Officer/Lieutenant is a bit worse, but we will still hang out because we are both awesome, and care about each other." And they do! Care about each other, I mean. There were sexings yes, but really Uhura was kind of the first friend Spock really made at the Academy, the first one where he wasn't just "here I am, getting along well with a professional colleague," the first one he let his guard down around, and she liked him because he was *brilliant* but also had this awesomely wicked sense of humor, and they could sit around and snark intelligently together. And he's all "I value your friendship" and she's like "awww, me too. Now let us discuss interesting linguistics!"

The problem is that of course Spock ends up with Kirk but then what does Uhura do? because I do not ship her with anyone! It is a little distressing. I'd say Sulu, but Sulu/Chekov (I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.) and the other options here are, what, Scotty and McCoy, both of whom are great guys, but she never actually interacts with either of them. Maybe there will be femslash. I could see Uhura/Rand, maybe, they passed the broccoli test in Charlie X. (Oh that scene. I just want to draw little sparkly hearts around Uhura, I honestly do. SHE IS SO SHINY.) Or Uhura/Gaila, because they are extremely comfortable stripping off in front of each other. (And of course Gaila is not dead, she is perfectly fine, you guys. She was on the Enterprise. That's why she's beaming like a loon at Uhura. That is her *OMG ENTERPRISE!* face. Gaila's an Engineer too; Scotty isn't the only one who knows the Silver Lady's reputation. Orions don't do the thing where they hide their excitement in front of their friends who drew the short straws. She's all "HEY I'M ON THE ENTERPRISE!" and doesn't consider the possibility that Uhura will be anything but happy for her friend, even if Uhura is on the Farragut. (Not for long! Uhura is the best there is, and she knows it, and she will damn well be treated accordingly! Man, she is so cool. If I had grown up watching TOS, she would have been my biggest role model ever.)) I've seen Uhura/Chapel, actually, but I can't ship it.
a.) did they have any scenes together at all?
b.) Uhura is made of awesome and
c.) Chapel is not, I am sorry to say. If Uhura was TOS doing actually a pretty impressive job (all things considered) writing an awesome chick, Chapel is TOS failing horribly, or possibly not trying. Rand, I mean, I can see that they were at least trying with Rand, even if she was pretty much treated as a sex object the whole time, but Chapel. Chapel Chapel Chapel, man, you're played by Majel Barret Roddenberry herself (who is pretty damn awesome: I present to you Number One! And Lwaxana Troi! Neither of them can hear you over the sound of how awesome they are!), how did you end up so very very pathetic?

Maybe Chapel will improve in later seasons. Maybe.

Anyway, Uhura doesn't need a love interest. Is she interested in command? I could see Uhura with her own ship. She and Sulu could each have a ship and they could be tentatively-allied pirates. (And he'd come onto her and she'd be all "SORRY, NEITHER" but he wouldn't really be serious anyway. Probably because Chekov (oh god, I'm so sorry).)

BTW "Sorry, neither!" needs to be in a hall of fame somewhere of Awesome Responses To Drunken Musketeers Attempting To Cast You As A Damsel In Distress. (And then Shore Leave happened. Oh TOS. You try so hard! Sometimes you succeed! The rest of the time you make me want to bash my head against a wall! A lot!)

But I started this because I wanted to say *deep breath* wouldn't T'Pring/McCoy be awesome?

I just think it would.

andgskldsgn I'm tired, man, I need to shower & do my dishes but I dun wanna. <-- feminist!meta of absurd, clever hilarity! The best part about this vid is how very disappointed McCoy/George Kirk/Captain Robau/Admiral... uh... Admiral-who-helpfully-translates-into-academic-vernacular all look at the prospect of a dance floor full of dudes. It's kind of adorable. also the line NOT ENOUGH LADIES, TOO MANY MANS will never not be funny.

(every time I get on the subject of feminist criticism I come to the same conclusion: I should watch more Xena: Warrior Princess! It is awful in so many awful ways, but- Xena! And Gabrielle! And apparently me and the awful, awful shows, we go together like this.)



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