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#I am eternally sad that a lot of my favorite characters would never ever in a million years be friends if they met

#like: Loki will never be friends with anybody

#Vimes will never be friends with kings

#Marcone will not be friends with anybody not loyal to either him or Chicago

#(or willing to help him help realize his plans for Chicago)

#(with a very clear well-laid-out bargain of exactly what they will want in return)

#(and that being something he is willing to pay)

#Thorin will not be friends with anyone not a dwarf of Erebor

#unless they prove beyond doubt that they have decided to throw in their lot with the dwarves of Erebor and share their danger

#and also not go against his decisions when he decides things in his capacity as King

#Temeraire might be friends with a great many people but Lawrence won't if they're against England in the war

#and Temeraire won't for Lawrence's sake

#Roy Mustang is perfectly willing to be friendly but he is also very done with fighting for someone else's goals

#and a lot of the others won't be friends with him if he won't fight for their goals

#Scar will not be friends with anyone but other Ishbalans and May Chang

#because he fights for his people

#and if you're not fighting for his people you may occasionally work together to achieve a mutual goal but that's it

#(May Chang wasn't on purpose but oh well they're friends now)

#Zuko is bad at people

#but he'd be willing to be friends!

#unless he's working on achieving a goal

#then sorry but hunting the avatar takes priority

#King Henry had friends once

#I think we all know what happened there

#Rumplestiltskin don't make me laugh

#Pellaeon is too busy running an Empire to have friends who aren't ~trusted subordinates~ first and foremost

#yeah Boromir is not going to be your friend if you're not actively helping Gondor

#(unless you are a hobbit and therefore fall into the category of 'noncombatant; to be protected')

#Javert has no friends Javert is the Law

#The Law doesn't have friends

#Garak will be your friend on his own terms

#they are not very reasonable terms though and if Julian is willing to meet them that's nice but no one else here is going to because gosh look at this enormous list of people with massive trust issues oh dear

#let's not even get into people like Edmund and Richard III and the Macbeths and Aaron and Tybalt and Claudius


#*everyone else on this list takes ten steps backwards and turns very pale*
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Loki, Q, and Discord should meet.

Maybe others? Suggestions?

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Today I drew butterflies on my apron with sparkly puffy paint, and then I bought an x-acto knife and, after several experiments with coffee and fire that did not work, burned the word "embers" into a sheet of watercolor paper.


I am considering buying another pumpkin later and going to town.

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So last week the Germans were here, and my parents sat down with them to watch an old family video of my sister Mical's high school German project that she did with her friend Marie Aguchi, who had a younger sister (Marilyn) a few years younger than me. The assignment was to make a commercial, and they decided to do one for a remote-controlled younger sister-- who cooks, does your homework, vaccuums the carpet, plays a musical instrument, and-- in my case-- declaims Shakespearean soliloquies at the touch of a button. The final scene is the demonstration of a pause button, which was demonstrated by having me suddenly chase Marilyn onscreen while yelling wildly and waving a club (the video revealed it to actually be one of Aba's squash racquets) and then, when Mical pressed the appropriate button on the remote control, having us freeze in place (it took Marilyn a few extra seconds to stop giggling, though).

(I recited To Be or Not To Be, as well as Friends, Romans, Countrymen. I was dramatic. I was a gigantic ham. It is glorious. I'm like a tiny Kenneth Branagh without any of the, you know, actual skill.)

But the Germans sat and watched and said "Oh haha, how funny! They are selling their little sisters."

At which point my mother suddenly remembered that oh, yeah, it wasn't a commercial for a remote-controlled little sister, or even for a remote control that would work on your little sister, it was an ad to try and get rid of these sisters that they had on hand. She had forgotten.

NO ONE TOLD ME THAT. I don't think I would have participated with quite such enthusiasm if I had known.

(Ach, who am I kidding? A chance to ham it up for the camera? With Shakespeare? I AM SO THERE.)

Also on the tape is their production of As You Like It, where I do a fantastically dramatic job as Adam (no seriously, fantastically melodramatic). I still remembered those lines that I learned for that role, even though I hadn't gone near As You Like It until a few years ago. This production is the reason why I could never see Oliver as evil and completely expected the brothers to reconcile. Because they were my sisters. But the best part is this: someone off-camera introduces the scene-- "Here we are in Orlando's orchard." And then you hear my piercing voice go "HUH? IT'S OLIVER'S ORCHARD!"

Tiny!Leora took Shakespeare seriously, you guys.

Also ponies. I introduce all of our My Little Ponies and model horses. On the one hand, I am totally impressed with the way I actually speak quite knowledgeably about actual horse facts. On the other hand, dear god I called the model horse of Sham-- the Godolphin Arabian as portrayed in Marguerite Henry's King of the Wind-- Shantih. After a mare in a really terrible book that I read too young to understand anyway.

Anyway. I need to go to sleep.

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Am reading a story with a character who affects faux-Shakespearean language. Like, all the time. He's supposed to be a theater major with a minor in dance.
a.) I know next to nothing about dance, so when I can tell you're getting stuff wrong, there is a problem
and b.) HOLY HELL, PLEASE FIX YOUR ELIZABETHAN ENGLISH. PLEASE. If you are calling yourself after characters from Shakespeare, and you still use "be-eth" rather than "art," then I am going to assume that the closest you have come to any of the plays is the Cliffnotes.

"Be-eth." Eru Illuvatar above, I thought I had left that behind when I stopped looking for LotR Mary-Sues bad enough to require PPC assassination.

On the plus side, I have acquired a folding screen made of Beauty and Awesome. I have also hacked my badly-placed kitchen lightswitch with packing tape, a hotel sewing kit, and two tiny binder clips. Ahahahahahahaha I feel so accomplished!

So far I have also hacked my refrigerator door with a lovely cream ribbon and packing tape, and my cupboard doors with cotton balls and packing tape, and my potholder-hooks with packing tape.

I love packing tape! It is like Scotch tape for grown-ups! Which I totally am now, ahahahahahah!

Today Paul and I saw Cosi fan Tutte, which is yet another opera where everything could have been solved by threesomes foursomes. Not literal foursomes, actually, in this case, but more likely a setup where each girl is in a relationship with both guys.* Although seeing as how the conclusion goes "yeah, your girlfriends are unfaithful, but whatevs, it's not like you're gonna find a woman somewhere else who isn't, so just live with it," not to mention the musical subtext re: which girl actually matches up with which guy, that may actually be where they're going to end up. Then we came home and had cheese and wine and watched Castle. I really like Castle! I also have this weird headcanon that Ryan is actually a werewolf. I do not know whence this notion came, nor can I get it to leave by any means. It's like the way my brain is completely absolutely convinced that Steven Maturin has an alligator tail. *shrugs* My brain, fillies and gentlecolts.


*And if the guys decide to have a relationship with each other too, well, hey.
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By rights there should be photographic evidence. I will, perhaps, borrow someone's camera and add pictures, because wow I am kind of dreading what Rarity (poor, poor Rarity) is going to look like in an hour, and you all need to be sharing my pain.

So My Little Pony is made of Win and Heart, but the toys are actually kind of crap. WTF, they were awesome back when I was a kid, and this is not even my nostalgia filter talking: the old school ponies were actually really quality toys. And the ones they are selling for MLP:FiM are crap.

"Aha," said I, "I am a resourceful fellow: I shall make my own!!!"

And lo: I bought several colours of Sculpey, and gave my sister Tamar a severe attack of nostalgic hilarity during which she tried- tried really really hard, you guys- not to laugh at me.

And I made a Rarity!

...sort of.

I was smart, in that I told myself from the beginning, even as I was buying the clay, that this one would be an experiment. This one would be the First Waffle. This one would just be purely a test run, to see how the clay would behave, since I have pretty much forgotten how to work with Sculpey, and I was never the one who did the actual baking, and also, mine were severely uncomplicated figures. Penguins eluded me, you guys. Penguins.

So: Sculpey is actually really difficult to work with at first, and I am impressed with My Younger Self for sticking with it, and also, dude, either my motor skills have not gotten all that much better, or I was pretty good at it for a kid, or else This Is Just Actualfax Hard, Okay, and I'm pretty sure it's not that second one.

Whatever else Poor Rarity is going through, I'm a little proud of my detail work on her eyes- there are individual eyelashes, you guys- and her horn, which is pretty cool-looking even if that was the simplest part of the entire thing.




I feel kind of really bad for picking Rarity, the pony who cares the most about her appearance, for my first go. I should have picked Applejack, or even Pinkie, who would at least find the humor in the situation. Rarity would just consider this torture.


Next time I am scaling everything down. Maybe that'll keep her from being so top-heavy. There may be toothpicks incorporated as well.

It's gonna be awesome. Eventually. Just wait.



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