You know that you're a geek when you're *cough* "Indian dancing" around the room using a hair dryer for a microphone and singing along to ABBA and pretending to be Tanya and you end up singing, without even realizing,
Take it easy (Take it easy)
Only look up clear
To alter favor ever is to- waitaminute...
I feel like a bit of an idiot.
And now I will proceed to actually explain, which I never seem to do...
SO basically, there's this girl (Sophie) on an island, and she's getting married to some guy named Skye. Her mother, Donna, was a singer in the sixties/seventies and moved to this random island to run this little taverna twenty years ago, when Sophie was born. Sophie is having this big white wedding, and wants her father to give her away. Problem is, she doesn't know who her father is. Donna won't talk about him. So she reads her mother's diary and discovers that, um, there are three possibilities. She just invites them all to the wedding, not telling them why. One of them is this upright British banker guy who used to be a headbanger, Harry. One is an architect dude who had left Donna to get married, and later had two sons, Eddie. The third is an Australian traveler, Bill. Sophie doesn't tell them why they're there, just... sort of... gives them keys to rooms in the taverna. In the meantime, Donna's two best friends Tanya and Rosie come for the wedding, there's a random guy named Pepper ("Why, because you're 'hot'?" "No, because he gets up your nose.") who hits on Tanya, Rosie hits on Bill, Skye and Sophie have Issues, Eddie and Harry seem to still be in love with Donna, especially Eddie, Donna has Issues in general, the guys of the island go pearl diving and do this whole dance in flippers and scuba masks (I nearly fell off my chair laughing), there are more dances with people in scuba outfits, except this time they add the female half of the cast in Toad hats (from Mario), there are Shiny costumes, and I am rooting for Bill the whole time because, come on, when in doubt, go for the guy with the accent. And Tanya mocks Pepper (a lot), and there are more shinies, Sophie gets annoying, the boat was named Waterloo and I caught it, Donna sang Fernando* under her breath to herself, Heee hee EHHEEE hee hee, hahahhaHEEha, Masters of the Sea actually had significance because of the OBVIOUSLY NOT BEEN THERE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS pearl necklace, but hey, they were all drunk, so they couldn't tell. Then there were SHINIES and big flashy lights and noisy things, spinning light-dots, wheeee, they made poor Eema sick, yeah, dude, it was just fun and shiny.
Hmmm... unfortunately, Paul's telling me to have "sweet/epic/fun dreams" did not work. It started out okay; well, sort of. I had to save Dr. Seuss's stories from being forever washed away in a waterfall and there were geese involved, flying up the water, that was cool but really hard and scary because I didn't know if I was strong enough to fly all the way up dragging everything behind me. Then Alex (my stand partner Alex) was a knight, and I had to pretend to be his squire and dress up as a guy and everything; that was annoying because darn it, the laws of chivalry are confusing when you keep forgetting the gender of the other person. Like, we were given Safta's room to sleep in, and at first I took the bed and he took the floor because I was the lady. Then we remembered that I was pretending to be male, and his squire, so we had to switch, and stuff like that. I was really scared that Miss Kesler would say that I wasn't who I was pretending to be, but somehow she didn't seem to recognize me, and I didn't know if she knew or not. I went out of the room in the night, and my cats came walking up to me. There were five of them, two Torys and three Tessies, and they wanted to know their real names and the meanings behind them. I couldn't remember their names! It was terrible! They had to give me hints. I felt so ashamed; I couldn't remember the names of my own cats. Then I heard people coming. This was a problem, because I had taken off my disguise for the night. I just grabbed a pillow and hugged it to my chest and hoped they would just go on by, but they kept stopping and talking to me, and one of them was a witch. I finally managed to just stumble back into the room, but was shocked to find that one of my dogs- the Scottish Terrier- had really chewed everything up. I was furious, naturally, but you know, he's a dog, it's their nature. Then the witch came in, and I started panicking, but she said that she already knew and didn't care. I was somewhat relieved. Then she laughed and gave me an exploding dog biscuit (it looked somthing like a red fuzzy blanket, all rolled up) to give to the Scottie. I was shocked, and told her that I would never do that to my dog. She pointed out poor Subtotal, whom I hadn't even noticed was there. He'd been nearly ripped to shreds! I picked him up. Huge patches were missing; he was literally being held together by a few threads. "Okay, NOW he can have the exploding biscuit," I said threateningly, but I didn't really mean it. I hid the biscuit under the blanket that I'd been sleeping on. The witch took out black thread and was about to sew Subtotal together. I stopped her, and took out my sewing basket. But all that I could find in it was lavender thread and brightly-colored embroidery floss! Alex woke up, and he and the witch were trying to start sewing with black thread and bright green embroidery floss. I was still desperately trying to stop them and find some navy blue thread when the scene changed. I was at a fair, and it was almost time to go, when I saw a bunch of my friends (not my real-life friends, just random creations of my brain) horseback riding in a pasture. You would go in, give the man your tickets, choose a horse, and ride around for a little bit and then bring it back. As I came closer, I saw one of my friends, who was riding bareback, thrown forward onto the horse's neck. I rushed forward, certain she was hurt- her face had banged into its neck- but she fell back, suddenly in a saddle, laughing strangely. A little unnerved, I nonetheless went to the man in the entrance and told him that I had time for a short ride. He reluctantly agreed (it was almost closing time) and went into the pasture. Suddenly I noticed that there were two bloody horse-heads lying on the ground, flies swarming around them. I cried out in disgust and leapt back, but they got up, back on their bodies and perfectly healthy. The man let me into the pasture, and I got a better look at the horses. There was something strange about them; they were distorted, disproportionate, moving in ways that they shouldn't have been physically able to. Their legs were too thick, their fur too long, their heads too short, their teeth and nostrils too big. Some were tiny and others were huge. I went forward and greeted one, breathing into his nostrils. Another, a blackish-blue one, came up and breathed into my face as well. They all pressed in close around me, until I could hardly move for the warm bodies. I was not scared. I thought of the book Born to Run, where one of the characters is frightened by the inquisitive horses around her. I was proud of myself that I wasn't, no matter how strange these horses seemed. Suddenly the two in front of me threw their heads back.
"Well?" Asked one of the horses behind me. "Is she friendly?"
"No," said the brown mare to my left with a gleeful snort, baring her enormous teeth. "She's a tasty fly!"
"With wormy fingers!" added another.
"Not wormy!" I managed to say, and held up my left hand for proof. To my horror, it shriveled before my eyes, shrinking and becoming disgustingly deformed. It was tiny, about two inches long. The thumb was now longer than any of the other fingers, but thin as yarn, shriveled and wrinkled as a prune, curving dramatically over away from my hand, shaped like one of their nostrils. My other fingers were tiny, each an inch long, just as thin as the thumb but without the look of being "dry-" they were still fat-looking, like little worms. The first thought that flitted through my head was that I could never again play violin. The second horrid speculation was that the rest of me would soon shrink like my hand had done, I would become a fly and the horses would eat me-
I woke up screaming hoarsely, and curled up into a fetal position with my hands over my head in some sort of attempt to protect myself from the huge, horrible creatures. Not fun. *shudders*
I hope that it doesn't mean I'm scared of horses now. Eyal, Ada, interpret it if you'd like.
*Fernando holds a lot of special significance for me. When I was very young, Lynn Bartley took me to a zoo or a park or something, and along the way we listened to ABBA. It was the first time I'd heard them, and I instantly fell in love with the song Fernando. We listened to it over and over again, until we could sing it perfectly. Since that day, until yesterday, I'd never heard it. But I knew it the instant I did; I'd never forgotten that I had heard it, or how much I had loved it. That song rules this earth.