Jul. 8th, 2016 10:39 am
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remember that time Inda was like "haha look at me all dressed up, I look like a hothouse fan dancer" *waggles hips* and it's like Inda. Inda darling. You are the scariest-looking scarred pirate anyone here has ever seen, but please, continue to imagine that your inherent niceness somehow shows through in your appearance.

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So once in a while I find something that exists and I'm all like, there is no way the creator(s) of this did not custom-make this for me. I mean, this is perfectly tailor-made for my exact tastes. That cannot be random coincidence. Am I mad? Am I in a coma? Or am I back in time just really easily pleased?


So Sharpe, right, I realize none of you care for it much but BOROMIR, IN THE NAPOLEONIC WARS, WITH A KICKASS WIFE. And let's not forget the rest of the Chosen Men, because they're winful. Or Lord Wellington, on whom I am fast developing mad historical crushes. (Have I mentioned how much I love Sharpe/Teresa lately? Because guys, it's a period action flick. You don't get good female characters, much less good romances, in period action flicks. But Teresa! And Sharpe/Teresa! It is very very good.)

A quick summary of the movies:

Sharpe's Rifles: Sharpe meets the Chosen Men by waking up Harper, who promptly attacks him. They roll around on the stable floor until some superior officers wander in and go WTF SHARPE YOU CAN'T DO THAT YOU'RE AN OFFICER NOW REMEMBER.

So Sharpe waits until they're gone. And then he and Harper resume their scuffle on the floor of a different stable. Then Teresa walks in and goes, So, I'm an experienced leader of soldiers. You really shouldn't do that, now that you're an officer and all.

So Sharpe ties up Harper's hands and wrestles with him in a river.

Sharpe's Eagle: The very first thing we see is Harper in Sharpe's tent, nursing his wounds, shaving him, dressing him, and singing him lullabies. Then we meet the South Essex. The South Essex are flogged soldiers, completely green troops, and led by an idiot. Sharpe takes them out for some basic training.

The men are no good at shooting. So Sharpe tells them all to strip to their shirts, and they do, and they're still apparently not good enough so Sharpe takes off his own shirt and struts up and down in front of them bare-chested and then they are inspired and perform amazing feats of gunnery. And then one of them takes the opportunity to swoon into Sharpe's arms.

We also meet Colonel Lawford, who offers himself as comfort in place of Sharpe's lover Teresa, who has gone off spyhatting. YOU THINK I'M MAKING THIS UP, YOU GUYS.

Oh yeah, and Lieutenant Billings is hopelessly in love with James Bond, who thinks that Billings is in love with the Countess, and so tries to get her for Billings, but is stopped by Sharpe, who- naturally- rolls around with him on the ground. And actually gets beaten up, because it's Bond, James Bond, you guys, and it's all very tragic, and goes like this:

James Bond: Fancy a fumble, old boy?
Billings: *hopes very hard that he just heard what he thought he heard*
James Bond: *indicates nearby wenches*
Billings: *tear*
James Bond: Well, you might as well have the maids, since you can't have the mistress.
Billings: *makes cow eyes at James Bond over cards*
James Bond: *wins at cards* You want a woman, old boy.
Billings: Do I?
James Bond: Plenty of fish in the sea, old boy.
Billings: *meaningful look* You know what I want.
James Bond: The Countess, of course.
Billings: *tear*
James Bond: *wins at cards*
Billings: I'm unlucky. Unlucky in cards. *meaningful look* Unlucky in love.
James Bond: You know what? I'll go get her for you.
Billings: Wait, no, that's not-
Teresa: Your fellow officer is harassing the Countess. Go stop him.
Sharpe: *tries*
Sharpe: *gets beaten up by James Bond*
Superior Officers: *walk in on Sharpe and Bond rolling around* GOD, SHARPE, WE CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE, CAN WE.
Sharpe: *is ded of Bond*
James Bond: RAR.
Sharpe: *stands in front of Countess*
Sharpe: *sways on feet*
Teresa: *stands in front of Countess in case Sharpe falls over*
James Bond: So you can pay the debts she owes her servants?
Sharpe: ...
American Southern Gentleman: *hands Sharpe the money, v. surreptitiously, in front of everyone*
Sharpe: ...
Sharpe: ...
Sharpe: *pays*
Countess: Oh, thank you, Richard Sharpe.
Sharpe: *now owes Southern Gentlemen more money than he'll ever see in his life*
Sharpe: *wanders off to sulk*
Countess: Oh, Commandante Teresa, you're so lucky to have him.
Teresa: *shrugs* Eh. He is lucky to have me.

Guys, you would not believe how much of that was quoted verbatim.

Sharpe's Company: There is a battle, but we pretty much immediately cut to Sharpe shirtless. A tiny adorable Sweet Polly Oliver shows up and is immediately taken with Sharpe and starts following him everywhere, when Pete Postelthwaite shows up. Sharpe slams him into a wall and sends him on his way.

Pete Postelthwaite finds Teresa and attacks her, because he's been creepily stalking Sharpe and trying to kill his lovers ever since India. Teresa, of course, hands him his arse and is considering just slitting his throat and having done when Harper enters, and then Sharpe. Sharpe snarls a lot and then (actually pretty unwisely) decides to opt out of cold-blooded murder. So Pete Postelthwaite insults Harper, who attacks him, and then Sharpe jumps into the dogpile, and they all three roll around on the stable floor and then in the streets until some superior officers happen along and go GOD SHARPE NOT AGAIN SERIOUSLY THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.

And lo, the Sweet Polly Oliver follows Sharpe doggedly around for the rest of the movie.

Sharpe's Enemy: I only started rewatching this one, guys, but it definitely opens with Sharpe and all five Chosen Men shirtless and playing informal rugby and tackling each other and the superior officers walk up just as Sharpe is shirtlessly dogpiled by all of his shirtless men. And they just roll their eyes and go yeah, must be Tuesday.

(Seriously, guys, how is there not a bigger fandom for this sort of thing?)

Started watching Life on Mars with Eema. I'm- as much as I like it, I'm leery of this show. I know shows like this. Shows like this do not hold back. They do not show mercy. I am very firm with myself here- I will not get too involved with you, Life on Mars. We can just keep this casual, right? We can just keep the emotions out of it, okay, because I have been hurt too many times in the past by shows like you. But I just can't stay away like I know I should, because you are really good.

Hey Torchwood? I think it's best that we spend some time apart right now. I think we can work it out, I do, I'm willing to make that effort if you are. I just need some time.

Oh right, but I started this because I wanted to talk about Leverage, because guys guys guyyyyyys, it is JUST FOR ME. It is every episode a heist flick (I love heist flicks!) for some Robin Hood-esque mission (I love Robin Hood!) with five awesome characters (TEAM!), two of which have lots of fun sparky chemistry (Nate/Sophie otp!) and are also kind of Team Parents, you know how it goes, and the other three of which are all together and shiny (Eliot/Parker/Hardisan OT3 OF AWESOME) and also, Badger (BADGER!) is quite possibly Nate's bitter ex, but in any case he's Nate's evil equivalent (Evil Mastermind Badger!) and there are HEISTS.

I was looking for music videos and I noticed that when you are just watching clips without sound, seriously you guys this entire show looks like a gag reel.

I love it.

Also, I've ordered The Fall off Netflix. Yes, I know.

When I read Wyrd Sisters for the first time, I was obsessed with Macbeth and I was all, OMG, this book is so good!

Then I re-read it after I read Hamlet too, and was all OMG, this book is even better than I thought!

And then I just re-read it now, being presently obsessed with a good deal of Shakespeare, but Hamlet and Macbeth in particular, and I was all OMG THIS BOOK IS EVEN BETTER NOW.

Looking forward to re-reading Watership Down, reading Fast Ships Black Sails, and kind of dreading kind of flailing with impatience for Treason's Shore. (What an awful title. Ms. Smith, we need to have some words about that title.)




Off to practice and die.

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Iron content of my blood: 36%
Iron content required to donate blood: 38%

Of bloody course.

...um, honestly no pun intended.

Ran into Lloyd, though, for the first time in a dog's age, heard Branagh's Big Dramatic Unsubtle Theme on the radio, baked my most delicious John Bread for the first time in my new apartment, used a glorified gravy dish for a loaf pan and a plastic bag for the Saran Wrap and four packets of oatmeal for the oats, but it TOTALLY WORKED, yey. Also finished Vatta's War by Elizabeth Moon, and I decided I liked it, though I would have ended it a bit differently. I like the author's attitude towards characters with Trauma and Issues, being, that they need to get help and not just keep quiet and self-destruct, but she makes all her good characters handsome and all her bad characters have something physically repulsive about them, at least as far as I can recollect. Five books and a ton of characters, nothing to the level of Inda with their names and titles and nicknames and homes and family connections and wives, or Weber with his spellings, or even A Companion to Wolves where everyone decides to get a NEW NAME fifty pages in, but it's still quite a few, with no indications of which are important, and there was a long stretch of time in between my reading each book, so. But still, I enjoyed them, I like Ky, she's a nice heroine with genuine flaws who makes mistakes but is still a competent, strong female lead. Who, when the male lead tries to kiss her, knocks him flat on his ass. And then doesn't see him for two, maybe three, books. And even then at the end she's just kind of like, well, okay, I guess we could see how this works for a while, and maybe when your little sister takes over as CEO of your massive interstellar company you can come and be my army wife. And her great-aunt snags her former Master Sergeant, who then hits on her current Master Sergeant, but it is all cool, they are totally going to be an ot3 of awesome and World Interstellar Domination, I can just tell.

Started reading Melusine, on Mistful's recommendation, because she loves Mildmay. I don't often share her characterloves, but Mildmay (who calls himself Milly-fox!) is adorable and heart. Felix is insane, which is nice, but it leaves me very disoriented every time I have to go and function in the real world after I've been reading in first person from his perspective. I keep having to remind myself that yes, I know how to drive a car, yes, I know how to work a key, yes, the road will actually take me where I want to go. Eventually, anyway, because, you know, damn students, thinking MSU and East Lansing is for them.

Must now go. Back later, crocodiles, I love you all.

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Well, I dreamt that Paul and I were leading an army in a mock war. Well, when I say "leading" I mean Paul led, and I was his second-in-command. It was slightly Inda-style warfare, involving ships that sailed on land- we did use a fireship at one point- and also pulled the Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane, in that we chopped up bushes and carried them around as cover. Most of our classmates were in our army. We began in a museum, and then we sailed around and had to hide. There was no hierarchy below us- it was just Paul as kind of the only officer and me the only NCO, or something, and so I kept having to run around making everyone BE QUIET and STAY LOW, and it was kind of annoying but whatever. Anyway Paul's plans worked, and we took this fort, and then the enemy responded by sending a small squad to try to infiltrate us by tricking us into trusting them. They weren't sure which would work, I guess, so they tried them all at once, and sent in a small party made up of people disguised as a whore, a priest, Van Helsing, and a cowgirl, and I killed the soldiers disguised as a whore and a priest with throwing knives because how stupid do they think we are, and then I drew my pistol and killed the cowgirl and then Van Helsing and I shot each other. Then I realized that the cowgirl was refusing to admit she was dead, which is being a Poor Sport and Ruining It For Everybody, and I yelled at her, and she said, "no, we're all just wounded," so Van Helsing and I acted wounded but then the cowgirl refused to act wounded and was trying to get into the fort, and then Paul leading a small squad shot the cowgirl through the window, and showed her how the pattern of glass meant that she'd just been shot through both femoral arteries and she was dead, so if she'd lie down please. And so she finally did, and then Van Helsing and I agreed that really, he and I were both dead too, so we fell down at opposite sides of the passage like we would have, and the right side of my jacket had fallen open. Paul and the squad came up and I gave him a wry look, and one of the soldiers told me that I'd been a rollicking good Queen and would be missed, which was incredibly gratifying, and then they went off and I woke up.

(Before that there was all this stuff with my kittens and protecting them and going through a teacher's stuff while she was away, which I felt bad about but KITTENS, must protect them.)

Jul. 2nd, 2008 02:02 pm
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please don't die please don't die please don't die please don't die please don't die please don't die-

Jun. 15th, 2008 05:37 am
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So so big long craZybook is finished and everything is CLIFFHANGER and DEATH and DISMAY,


also I totally knew from like the very first moment I met him that he was so utterly utterly doomed but it did not help one bit, I still fell desperately in love with the poor idiot and noooooooo.

And it is only 6 AM, what, bookstores aren't open this erly, that are a million kinds of Not Cool. I think a 24-hour bookshop, with reading nooks, is pretty much what this world needs.

But the WORLD and the CULTURE and zOMGLOVE, and I totally get so eated by it, I think it all day long and I dream it all night and when I wake up it took me until after I was dressed and contacted and toothbrushed to realize, oh wait, it's not actually real, and Paul is probably very confused and offended right now, oops.

Jorj George R R Martin fans, I feel for y'all so hard right now. Giant epic fantasy that spans many great and terrible books that are this big are like drugs. Drugs of evil. Evil drugs. Because everyone is getting heartbroken and hurt and dead, and you're all RAAARRR NEEEEEEED FIIIXXXXXX, and it is totally totally not fair, it is epic suckage.

also, deeeeeaaaaad, nooooooooo.

Oh, and i signed my lease yesterday.



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