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What the hell, brain? It's not even the pairing that is weirding me out here, it's the fact that I just wrote 1000 words of Nu!Kirk/Spock Prime in a Star Wars fic.

*throws up hands* Anyone wanna let me know how that happened?

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So with perfect, perfect timing, Wizard Blue arrived today, and so I dressed up as steampunky as I possibly could, donned my new magical mask, and strode around East Lansing in the best of Purim stylings. I also had two cups of coffee in an attempt to make up for having woken up yesterday evening around 7:00 PM and not having slept since, despite my best intentions, because I woke up and then I had to eat but I had no food but I couldn't leave the house to shop until I showered but I couldn't shower until I had eaten and so I watched Star Trek TOS until I went to spend about half an hour digging Sophie out of snow and practicing my English-accented dialogue as Captain Corcoran, dashing airship pilot! And my little blue zeppelin, the HMS Sophie, and don't listen to anything you hear about piracy. There were certainly letters of marque, anyway. No one can say I wasn't authorized. Except for those who do, of course, but they're lying through their teeth. (DEADLY ZEPPELIN AIR PIRATES! Shhhh.)

Went with Caitlin's Eema to buy my corset. I have given up hoping that prolonged exposure will make her less terrifying. I'm sorry, Caitlin's Eema! You are so very nice! You just intimidate the heck out of me and there's nothing I can do about that. On the other hand... glittery seed beads!

I am a little bit in love with that stubborn leaf on the top of that bare tree in West Circle just outside the window of the orchestra room, that leaf that is still, still there, and I am sure that by now, nothing will bring it down.

Symphony Concert tomorrow. I... yeah, that should be interesting. Also I slept through Philharmonic yesterday. But my foot/ankle is doing better, so perhaps I can go to Meijers tonight and buy some groceries, because I need them, because my cupboards are bare bare bare. I am even out of angel hair. Okay, so I do have rice, but the day I run out of rice is the day, uh, that I have no rice, I dunno.

I find myself craving meat. I think I need more protien in my diet. Perhaps I need to learn to cook something besides pasta, eh?

Mmmmphpmhpmhpmphmm tired tired tired. Have been up for... what, 26 hours now? Which is not that big a deal, and to be fair I am certainly not anywhere close to the brink of collapse like I would be if I hadn't slept for about 22 hours straight immediately before that, but still, I can't exactly concentrate on work right now, and I didn't take a kadur and there's enough work that starting is intimidating enough for me to just distract myself instead of trying to make a dent in it.

Alex is listening to a speech by Malcolm X for the second time and I am all "what, can't you recite it along with him by now? because I can" because I'm a snippety cat sometimes.

I really really like Wizard Blue. To me it seems really complex, I like that; also to me it seems oddly androgynous, and every time I look at it and think I know whether it's male or female I look again and realize that I was wrong, and I like that, I like having a mask of that, because... yeah. And I like how it is evil and gentle and joyful and furious all at the same time, and how with the medallion on one side and the swirls on the other, it's like a tear from one eye and laugh lines around the other, how the swirls represent delicacy and the medallion power, and it's a mask of duality and I like that.

...or not, y'know, it's just kind of a cool-lookin' blue mask, man, but I still like it. And I have garnered several compliments, and probably freaked some people out, but it is Purim, so.

Anyway. I should get back to work now, so... yeah.



Feb. 23rd, 2010 02:19 am
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So I continue to adore stories about hopeless wanting eventually fulfilled, and also, Tchaikovsky. Symphony is beautiful and I love it beyond measure, and cannot regret more strongly the missed opportunity of every time I sleep through it. Gregorian told Eema in his e-mail that he knew I loved orchestra, which- I don't think I knew how deeply that fear had run until he said that, the fear that he could somehow not know, and would believe that my absence was somehow wilful on my part, that he hadn't been able to tell that I wanted to be there with every fibre of my being-

Doctor LaDuca, you have a lot to answer for.

But Symphony is fun! And Gregorian was in a good mood today, and I played well, personally, and also I was on time, even though I had Eema convinced that I was totally awake and dressed and everything when I was still wholly asleep, and dreaming that I was TOS!Uhura and forging diplomatic relations with lemurs and yeah. I... actually don't remember anything before being on Burcham and drinking tea. There was stuff in between there, I am sure, because I was wearing clothes and contacts and all.

Have ordered pizza, and eaten three-quarters of it, which is a little unusual, but then again, I haven't had a good meal in a while. Not since Saturday night, at least.

Every time the light on the plane wing flashed it looked like a field of stars, or at least like someone's imagination of a field of stars, or of a nebula full of them, because there were far too many to be realistic. I'm still not sure what caused it; possibly the snowflakes suspended within the clouds, but anyway, it was gorgeous and surreal. Hurrah for red-eye flights, which suit me perfectly. I did manage to eat some leftover noodles (though they weren't exactly tasty, over four days later) before I went to bed, which meant that I was able to fully enjoy orchestra without dying of hunger the whole time.

We did not see much of Colorado, but I caught up on some much-needed sleep, and finally met Maya, who is OMG adorable and also, a cat, by which I mean pretty much the polar opposite of Worf in every way imaginable. Took Mical to see Avatar, which she liked, or at least found worth seeing (Mical has this thing where she actually has standards for the things she watches). On Friday night I got to fly by myself, which I rather enjoy, and when I got in to Denver Eema and Aba took me out to T.G.I.Friday's and I ate delicious delicious food, which was two chicken breasts and a bowl of angel hair and deep-fried green beans and peanut butter pie for dessert, and it was pretty much what I had been craving for, like, days, and I was hungry and it was perfect and YAY FOOD, ILU.

(I have eaten three-quarters of a pizza! And it was not too much, I feel pleasantly satisfied and comfortably full. Pizza-delivery person brought me pizza and it smelled delicious and I was all OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.)

I have my Hamlet back. (HAMLET!) And also I have re-watched The Movie With Whales In, and re-read The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, yay. They are not similar, at all, and I kind of want to go re-read Coraline and write out the rat poetry back-to-back, because who apparently decided that whenever rats chant songs, they must be epically awesome? OMG if PTerry and Neil Gaiman were not such good friends, I think I would have to go on some sort of epic quest to get them to be, because. Yes.

As to Movie With Whales In... ahahahahahahaha. I think I need to write more about that later, because I have many things to say (good things, heaven help me) and I will be long and rambly, and also I think I ought to throw in some K/S recs, and you all can be boggled at the level of sheer shmoopy melodrama that I will happily allow in my fiction. Ahaha, I am pathetic. But you all love me anyway. Even if I will never get people to think I am cool.

Also saw Journey to Babel, for the first time, and of course I fully understand the objections I have heard about it, but I cheerfully ignore them all, because OMG SAREK AND AMANDA ARE SO IN LOVE IT'S RIDICULOUS. And then Spock and Sarek were talking! At the end!

I kind of want to string together clips of the moments that I refer to in my head as "I hate you so much right now," such as when Kirk and Spock and McCoy are all standing around and Spock's like "well, we could try time travel" and McCoy gets this look and waits patiently for Kirk to shoot that down right this minute for the insanity that it is and Kirk's just like "Oh yeah, that could work" and McCoy gets this LOOK and Spock's like "I will begin my computations" and McCoy's look gets about a billion times worse and Kirk's like "You do that!" and McCoy looks like his head is about to *explode* and I'm just sitting there laughing my own head off and going omg McCoy hates you guys SO MUCH right now! Or nearer the end when Spock is all *dire!Vulcan* "I will have to make a guess" and Kirk's just like "RIGHT ON!" and ohhh if looks could kill Kirk would be dead, D-E-D dead skewered and dead on the floor, right there, poor Spock.

Also, also ahahahahahahaha San Francisco, you guys. San Fran-freakin'-cisco. Where Sulu was born! Aww Sulu, flirting with the pilot and then stealing his plane and okay seriously I could still have recited entire long gobbets of that movie, my memory being what it is, but I- aw man, seriously, I'm in love and I'm not sure how that happened, really, at all, it is a little weird, you guys.

Dear Seventh-Grade Leora: I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I think I've betrayed everything you ever stood for. You were all I WILL NEVER WATCH STAR TREK OR THE PRINCESS BRIDE OR MONTY PYTHON ALSO I WILL NEVER FALL IN LOVE AND NEVER BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE AND yeeeeaaahhhhh. At least I still laugh like you do?

When I have digested some more I will go run. You know. Theoretically. Hopefully.

Journey to Babel has Andorians (and a fake Andorian) and I'm sitting there watching Thelev make everyone run in circles going yeah, he's evil as anything, but isn't he hot? and I'm sorry this is getting out of hand. I used to be relatively indifferent to the lighter shades of blue. Apparently not anymore. Good grief.

At least I don't have the slightest hint of a thing for green? I mean, does that redeem me somewhat, that I can look at Gaila and the other Orion girls and go "well they're nice I guess and they're showing a lot of skin and stuff and I really like Gaila's character and attitude but it's not like they're blue or anything" and nevermind I guess I'm just demented.

I suppose I should work? I don't really want to.


Okay. Time to slack off until I feel like running. Then I will go home.


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So, I need to learn how to make fanvids. this is just one of those things, because there needs to be a Kirk vid (with K/S overtones) to Mambo #5. It needs to happen, it just does, okay, and So I need to learn to make fanvids so that that can happen. Also Jack/Ianto to My Life Would Suck Without You (which yes, thank you, I *did* know and like that song before Glee got ahold of it, because there's a Buffy/Giles vid to it, shut up shut up shut up even Joss Whedon thought they had chemistry and had to keep telling them to Stop That) because the line "Maybe I got issues/But you're pretty messed up too" could be the title of a Jack/Ianto ship manifesto.

(Speaking of Glee, I finally got around to watching the finale. It was a bit of a letdown. I mean, I was looking forward to- if not resolution of plotlines I cared about, which, as expected, I didn't get- at least some truly enjoyable musical numbers. And the only one I liked at all was Mercedes' belting in the choir room, which was fun, but not what I was hoping for. I'd been hearing such good things about the sectional number, but it was just... kind of unmemorable. I dunno, am I the only person ever who doesn't think that You Can't Get What You Want isn't really all that great a song?)

Eema gave me the evening off today, so I walked home (I'd gotten picked up for orchestra) and went to sleep around 8 PM. Woke up around three, ate a quesadilla and am lounging around for a while. I'll go in a minute to Meijers, and then start in on my list of Things That Need To Be Accomplished, like buying strings and cat food and signing up for orchestra and stuff like that. I hate days that start in the morning, actually; I suppose other people are all like "I have all day until I have obligations" because I do, I've not got to be anywhere until three, but I think this is another one my sense of time messes up, because I'm all like "argh limited time that is shrinking by the second" because of course every time I look up, it's been another two hours, so it doesn't feel like I have any time in which to do things. Also this way I have to tolerate daylight, kssssss.

Back to living without weekends. Dammit, this summer I made Eema promise that I could have the occasional weekend this year, and of course I am grateful for things like having the evening off last night, or taking three.5 days to go see Mical in Colorado in February, but- a day off! One full day with no commitments, that is all I ask.

Meh. I'm not in that great a mood tonight. I just- am not looking forward to a good day. Too many things I have to get done that are not going to be enjoyable, and I'm just- ach. I dunno.

Six a.m. and black as pitch. I do adore winter. Please let's live in Alaska; I know it's not very likely but- just.

(Last night I dreamt I went to MSU and I could study and I was learning and attending classes and completing assignments and and. Sometimes I can't help but be a little bitter. BIOLOGY. It's so cool, and I have always wanted to study it. Even during the years when I wanted to be an actress.)

(Okay FINE, when I say "a little bitter" I mean sometimes I kind of hate the world, but. Y'know. Everyone does, sometimes.)

Avatar! How gorgeous is it? I kind of feel like every furry must have when they put CATS on Broadway; when I get then chance I will write up a tribute to all the blue characters I have loved over the years. Luthe! Thrawn! Chantho! Ruffalo! Oola! Mystique! Matilda! Al's Waiter! (Is this creeping people out? I often wonder if I'm just creeping everyone out when I say things like that, and they're just laughing to cover up the fact that they're uncomfortable.)

Seven-twenty and the dawn. Watching K/S vids and feeling a little better; have downloaded the song That's Not My Name off iTunes.

I tried to go back to sleep when I woke up at three this morning, I tried really hard, and I'm still tired and I could probably succeed if I tried again but if I go to sleep now there's no way I'm waking up in time for orchestra, let alone with time to get anything done before it. So that six-hour nap I had is just going to have to do me.

But I'm a bit better now; it's always easier to make me laugh when I'm tired, and I always feel better when I laugh. It's totally scientific and I suspect that it works even better for me than it does for most, because I laugh like a lunatic.


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So today I attended Landon's wedding. Was at Aryn's four weeks ago, exactly, which meant that I had my period at both, ugh. They were extremely different, because Aryn is more... earthy & hippyish and stuff, and married someone similar, and Landon is slightly less so, also marrying a Catholic. But I danced and had a good time at both. I danced with some guy in a blue shirt, too, that was cool. Have now tasted champagne. It is kind of gross. And carbonated. (Champagne experiment: Failed.)


Well, what I'm actually going to do is find her and make her write. AT SWORDPOINT, IF NECESSARY, DAMMIT.*

I tried to explain the Temeraire books to my mother, which is at best a doomed enterprise. My mother does not understand the appeal of dragons. My mother does not understand the appeal of British Naval Officers of the Napoleonic Era.

Things Leora has a major a bit of a thing for, in no particular order: )

eh. Sleep now. Talk about weddings and dragons and Worf in the morning.
* )
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I was glad, because Colonel Meizh Vermel is brave and cool. But nobody's as cool as Pellaeon. I was very bitter though, at Luke and Mara for killing Thrawn's clone, even if they did it to survive, because come on, even aside from the cool factor they're going to need him to fight whoever's coming from Unknown Space.

I also broke into Paul's room and stole his Star Wars anthologies. So far I've read Tales From the Empire and about half of Tales From Jabba's Palace. I must say that I felt bad for the rancor, and his keeper, even when I saw the movie for the first time in eighth grade, so good for whoever-it-was who made sure we knew that the rancor was cool, and shouldn't have had to die. I must say though I was mostly interested in Tales From the Empire, because I like the Empire, well maybe I don't like it but I find it more interesting. Thrawn was in it. Thrawn rocks.

I also think I am missing something where Corran Horn is concerned. He keeps showing up and every time he shows up he seems to have a completely different backstory. Who is this guy, anyway? Why can't he stay in on place/make up his mind who he is, what he does, and who's side he is on?

I'm annoyed with myself for reading the Star Wars comic books, because now I have that image of Talon Karrde in my head and I can't get it out. I hate when I do that. I really do.

I didn't like *all* the stories. Some were kind of stupid. But a lot of them were good and worth reading. Also Paul's mother wants me to be her housecleaner, but Eema says I should clean our own house first, and then if I do a good enough job maybe she'll see about letting me clean the Sherrill's house.

Gregory and Donna, my favorite American cousins, are moving to Okemos. Gregory got a job as Head Doctor of Michigan or whatever it is, so yay. Although when they came to visit today I was dressed in my Crazy Jedi Costume and had disinfectant smeared all over my face, so I kind of had to run away and yell at them hello, no my parents aren't here... bye... and I felt bad about that because it was really rude but then they left before I could change and go say hello properly.

And Mical's moving to Boulder, and wants to adopt this dog named Mustang (but she's going to change her name). Apparently in Colorado people worship their dogs, and the Humane Societies don't put them to sleep and everyone leaves their dogs at Doggie Day Care centers when they go to work. Huh.

I need to get back into blogging. I'll try to update more often, and stop talking about Star Wars, because who wants to hear about Star Wars?

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So I bought Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchet and borrowed Vision of the Future by Timothy Zahn from Paul and noticed something. I have long been head-over-heels for both Vimes and Vetinari, and relatively recently also in love with both Pellaeon and Thrawn. And this morning I realized that they play the same roles in the books– Vimes and Pellaeon, and Vetinari and Thrawn. The genius rulers, always managing to pull something completely random out of a sleeve you didn't even know was there and turn everyone on their heads, knowing *exactly* where everyone's buttons are, at the center of the web and pulling the tangled strings that manipulate their worlds. I love them for their pure cold-bloodedness and then, in their rare moments of weakness, I love them all the more. And then there are their "terriers," who are never quite sure precisely where they stand with their respective employers but are still so loyal. Yes, I know that their authors created Vimes and Pellaeon to be liked– Vimes is the protagonist rather than Carrot because he is more likeable, he is more flawed and human and you can't relate to Carrot, really, and anyway the world through Carrot's eyes is boring. And Pellaeon is there as a contrast to Thrawn– the Watson to his Holmes, so to speak, the ordinary human who is there to tell the story of the genius.

Pellaeon breaks my heart, like all the time, and he needs a hug. I want to give him one and then I want to go and KILL Disra and Tierce and Flim for hurting him, how DARE they, those Houjis. And Karrde is yay, but then he's all like "Car'das is evil" and I'm like "Dude, just be grateful that I love you and your roguishness so much because it is the only reason I am not killing you for insulting my George Jorj." Of course, I haven't gotten to see my dear Car'das in this book yet, so perhaps he really is as ruthless as Karrde suggests, but I'm sure that the boy I knew in Outbound Flight cannot have changed so much. Oh, I love Outbound Flight because it let me love my evil characters, and I do so love my evil characters. Sweet Mitth'rawn'uruodo who is so young, and has a brother Mitthrassafis who is also wonderful, Jorj Car'das, and even Doriana the evil double agent manages to burrow his way into my heart. I still pronounce Karrde (Card) as if it's Spanish, because anyone with a trill in their name gets EIGHTY COOL POINTS. I also think that Shada (whose name always throws me crazy off, because Shada is the name of one of the concultures/conlangs Paul and I came up with) should go back to Mazzic, because Mazzic! Also Lando and Han and even Karrde to some extent need to stop being so respectable, because respectable is BORING. Wedge is kinda cute, too, even if I tend more toward the uniform of the navy than the air force. Still, he's a flyboy, and I have a very small tender spot for flyboys. (Not to mention he occasionally carries some attributes of a siamese cat in my head.) Also Karrde has a catgirl, H'sishi, I don't care if other authors say she's not a catgirl, she's a catgirl and there's nothing you can do about it.

And Pellaeon's first name is "Gilad," and that's a Hebrew name- I think it means "eternal joy," and that makes me very very happy. I won't mention that to Paul, because he'll say I'm wrong, but I know I'm right.

Eema made me go to bed last night though just when I was about to find out what happened to Colonel Vermel, whom I love and was desperate over his fate, and so she came in just as I was crying "No, Vermel, Vermel, please survive, dammit," which is not polite, and then she made me go to sleep and I dreamt that I was having an Indian wedding and then one of the servants unraveled ALL MY KNITTING, ALL OF IT, and I woke up and was like, "AAHH" and had to run and make sure it was still there.

I have to go now, but hey, first journal entry in a long while, even if it is friends-locked. (I actually just don't want Paul reading my opinion of Star Wars books and certain characters, because he will want to talk to me about them.) It is in honor of my wireless keyboard WORKING AGAIN, because I have been WITHOUT KEYBOARD for WEEKS because my laptop doesn't like to recognize other keyboards and every day that I haven't been able to type I have died a little. But now I'm back.



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